Sometimes violence doesn't lie within harsh words and acts of violence, sometimes the worst of the perpetration is committed by silence or by DEADLY emotional detriment! Even sometimes the worst abuse goes on undetected, I have another story for you. I have recently divorced, I know that many of the readers and contributors to my blog, have added comments about how lucky of a man my husband is, how lucky we are as a family, the truth is that sometimes families aren't whole
like society expects them to be. An ideal family picture is mother, father, and 2 1/2 children, well in MY almost perfect picture, its me, and 8 children, a cat, a dog, a rabbit and an idea to raise children as children.
I divorced my husband for reasons that are crazy to some and sane to others. My husband was financially abusive and he was and STILL IS, a bully! Whenever he had his eye on something that costed money, (i.e. video game, car, clothes shoes...) he would admire and plot within. Everytime things are going great, he would screw it up by taking money from us, and DISAPPEAR!! He would wait til things were so bad at home, (bills backed up, second notices, shut-off notices or time-sensitive deadlines...) and leave. One year, he was a new student @ M.C.T.C., my Mother had recently passed away, and we were trying to move into a house, he suggested that he take out a school loan to help pay for damage deposit, and kids school clothes, and catch up on bills,(it was august 2003). He told me to have the kids ready by 3:00 p.m. (Thursday, Sept.4th) when he get back we will go see the new landlord and take a cab shopping. 3:00...4:00...5:00...7:30...9:30 came and I gave up! Come to find out, he skipped class, cashed his check ($3,978.00) bought a LINCOLN CONTINENTAL and drove back home to Joliet, Illinois. I had no food, 2 diapers and 3 days later, was my birthday! (We celebrated my birthday in the dark that weekend cuz they cut off the electricity the Friday before) ...and of course I hustled, BY MYSELF, and got the bill paid(Catholic Charities) , the food situation resolved (food shelves), diapers (Church) and the damage deposit, well that's
another story. I will tell you that MY higher power (GOD) is good!! He is ALWAYS THERE AND RIGHT ON TIME!!! I moved into that
house, with the good will of strong people behind me and determination to never let my family be homeless
again! I recently
paid off my
damage deposit myself
because I trusted that there was a lesson to be learned, and I empowered myself to be independent but
with limitations. NOONE can do it by themselves! And WE
are our children's greatest teachers! They learn their most important and valuable lessons at home. From us and THAT'S WHERE ABUSE IS ESSENTIAL TO ELIMINATE AS AN OPTION!!!
It is not their fault that we go through what we go through, what the lesson to be learned in this instance is that how we as adults handle it, better prepare our children to handle the same situation in their life. Children learn by example and example only, no matter how much hot air
you blow, if you are not backing it up with your strength and actions, you are every bit as a liar and an abuser as the original perpetrator!! The lesson that I drew from the marriage was that yes, there are more children involved, BUT that doesn't mean that I CANNOT
do it. I am able!!
Just because we think we know what is good for us does not mean that we are right!! I am o.k. with my children and we are
a family. We as adults don't have to co-habitate to be effective parents and sometimes the best parenting is when one realizes that the other isn't being a productive influence in their own children's lives!! God bless us and you
all and I will be back soon!
Peace and Blessings to you all,